Yeah, it's that type of list. 10 Things I Want My Non-Black friends to know, or at least get my opinion about. If this list seems offensive to you, fine! I get it, it might appear to have come from way left field, however, I'll be sure to plug in citations of where my statements are coming from, and how I came to making these honest and bold statements. Click read more, already, so we can have fun!
10. After 2 Relationships With A Black Person, You No Longer Have to Declare To The World You Love Black Women/Men
Why 2? Because one can easily be an anomaly, but two? Two says you're setting a trend. We understand, and do not need it over the PA system everytime.
9. Your Knowledge of 90s Hip-Hop Isn't A Free Pass To Anything
OK, you out-rapped me on Wu-Tang. You out-witted me on Method Man's album. Alright, you knew the inner workings of Run DMC, Rakim, and Jay-Z. Phenomenal. Except, I'm from South Florida, don't care for 90s NY rap, and all that information is for free on the internet. It literally means nothing to me. In the words of Andre Benjamin, "the South got something to say".
8. Beeswax Are Not the Key Ingredient To Having Locs
Look, appropriate at your own risk. Do your thing. But by all means, please disassociate the idea that the key ingredient to locs are beeswax. All you're setting yourself up for is a messy, lint-attracting, wet, straw mop hairstyle that's ultimately going to make you look like a failed know-it-all. Also, if a Black person steered you in that direction, unfortunately, the joke is on you. The truth is, the key to locs is natural curl patterns, or as we call it: natural naps. I remember when I had my locs how many people would approach me telling me they liked my hair, and that they'd try to grow locs. "How'd you get it to hold?" Simple: I grew my hair out, retwists, and moisturizer for body and scalp. Unfortunately, many non-Black people try to control moisture by reducing the amount of oil on their scalp. That, my friend, is where the two hair patterns (and lifestyles) differ and part ways. Simply put, while there are white and latinos that are able to loc up, the likelihood of it is low, especially if you're looking at the end result (or simply wanting locs) as the goal.
7. Speaking Of Hair...Don't Touch My Hair
Check out this tweet on Twitter from the hilarious, yet upending story of "Alex with the Fun Hair". Simply put, my hair doesn't fall over itself. It doesn't reshape itself once disturbed, and there is a lot of combing, brushing, duragging (new word), and greasing that has to go into maintenance. These processes, and the patience necessary make people's hair possibly the most sacred part of their personal space. When you intrude on that with 10 whole fingers to "cop a feel", it's not only undoing a lot of work, it's bizarre and uncomfortable.
I saw an older white woman grab a handful of a young Black girl's hair in Walmart the other day, and I shouted "Oh My God", as if my team's kicker just missed a 15-yard field goal attempt. It's literally that serious.
6. Hearing "White People" Should Not Offend, Or Discomfort You
White People. White people shouldn't be offensive. It's not a slur, it's not a derogatory. It's not racist. Neither is "Black people". Sure, there are other, perhaps more formal descriptive words, but White people kind of gets it on the head.
5. Learn To Not Make Everything Political
Wow, we really just went from talking about the Super Bowl to discussing the next Pro-Life bill, didn't we?
4. No, The Hispanic Struggle Is Not The Same As the Black Struggle
3. No, It's Not Acceptable For Latin Americans To Use the N-Word, Either
2. Whether You Like It Or Not You Have Privilege
Your feeble attempt at out-doing my oppression is as offensive as it is oppressive.
1. If You Voted For Donald Trump, It's All Your Fault
Because nothing screams I don't care about my Black friends like voting for a guy who is openly endorsed by the KKK!
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